Vertigo

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I am recovering from an attack of vertigo when I write this. I say ‘attack’ because it came on me suddenly as can asthma or hay-fever, and following the path of a few previous events, it takes about two days for me to feel fine and healthy again. Emotions can sometimes work in the same way as these medical conditions, arising unexpectedly and forcing your attention to issues or situations that are uncomfortable and complicated. For a short time you may even feel disgust or revulsion at who you are. When I look at how comfortably I am living, how well my wife, Dorothy, is looked after in an up-market nursing home, and how I can afford to spend money on food, clothes, sport, theatre tickets, long road trips in my Subaru, even flying overseas on holidays, I know how fortunate I am given all the joy and pleasure I experience in my life; until the selfishness of all this wells up in my conscience, attacking me, and for a short time I feel ashamed and guilty – that I, as part of the social mores and economic function of my community, my city, my nation, am engaged in ignoring the plight of the poor and oppressed, those barely surviving famine, those caught up in war zones, and those fleeing in the hope some day of a pleasant life like mine. Quickly the mood, the emotion, passes, so once again there is an impasse, a lack of resolve to do something helpful, to go off and at the very least volunteer to work for a charity. The self incriminating emotion like the vertigo can be so short lived! I don’t address this issue in my spiritual memoir, To and From God, and truly I should have. It is easy to be blind to ones own hypocrisy, so easy to see it in others. 

 



About rpsimson1936

Retired geography and outdoor education teacher who loves orienteering and writes novels.
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